Chapter 1.3: Managing Expectations While Pursuing What You Want

 

Therefore, being constantly free of expectations enables us to observe the wonders along the Way.  Whereas, constantly having something we want, enables us to see the farthest frontier of the Way. 

Believing in the core tenant that there is always a Way and liberating ourselves from limiting labels and negative names so that we can believe that anything is actually possible for us, where we are right now, leads us now to two wayfinding skills: Openness and Intentionality. 

First, openness refers to being receptive to marvelous and wonderful possibilities for the course of our lives that are unimagined, unanticipated, and unforeseen at present.  Being open means letting go of what we think we want and our own expectations of how to achieve it.  It means allowing for some spontaneity, some flexibility, some change in plans.  Get off the beaten path, shake up your routine, get out of your rut, stop and smell the roses, do something you’d never have done before.  Take a risk.  Make a change – even a small one.  Do something differently without any thought of what may come of it or what you want to get out of it and you may be surprised at what happens. 

Second, intentionality.  What is it that you really want?  It is great to choose to believe that there is a way forward, a way upward, and a way out no matter where you are right now, but where do you want to go?  In Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat responded to Alice’s question, “Which road do I take?” by asking her, “where do you want to go?”  When she admitted that she didn’t know he replied, “If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t matter which path you take.”  So it is with us.  We must think clearly about what it is that we really, truly want in our lives – today, tomorrow, five years from now, etc.  Only then can we find the Way to realize those objectives.  Once we know what we want, we need to constantly remember, recall, and reflect on our goal, our progress, and whether our current choices and lifestyle are getting us closer to it or leading us further from its realization.  By remaining constantly focused on our true desires, we are better able to see the big picture, look down the line, and stay the course.  Without that, we won’t know what our ceiling is, what new frontiers await, or just how far we can go in any endeavor.  

These two seemingly paradoxical practices of focusing on what we want even while letting go and being open to unforeseen possibilities in the present are all about balance -- managing expectations and surrendering outcomes while intentionally focusing on and pursuing what we want in our lives.  There is something to be said for keeping our end goal in mind, for not going beyond the mark and for not giving up, giving in, or settling for less but seeing it through.  It is the drive to succeed, to sacrifice lesser desires and objectives now for what we really want in the end.  At the same time, becoming too fixated on a goal can blind us to the joy of the journey.  It is important to “stop and smell the roses” and to "take in the scenery" from time to time.  On the other hand, in living an “expectation-less” life where we just go with the flow or follow the path of least resistance, we run the risk of never getting where we actually want to go.  It takes effort, hard work, and determination to summit the mountains of life.  Yet, it is our own expectations, our own unmet goals and objectives that often give rise to our greatest disappointments.  Conversely, if we don’t want anything, we may just end up accepting what others are willing to give us, which may not lead us to a life of satisfaction and fulfillment.  Thus, walking the Way requires constantly balancing and re-balancing our expectations, ambitions, and objectives – accepting what is and where we are on the path of life even as we work and push and strive to move forward and get to where we want to be – all the while remaining open to whatever wondrous opportunities may come our way.  This is what it is to walk the Way.  ~ DCB 




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