Chapter 2.2: Get off the Roller Coaster of Relative Worth and the Corkscrew of Constant Comparisons

 


What is and what isn’t produce each other, difficulty and ease are formed in light of each other, long and short are judged against each other, highs and lows are measured against each other, noise and sound harmonize with each other, and first and last succeed one another – these are universal constants in society.

The interpretation of our human experience is relative and relational. The spectrum of what is present and missing, our understandings of difficulty and ease, highs and lows, and even our measurements: long and short, big and small are all relative to each other.  Our preferences for what is pleasing sound and music instead of just noise are also (dis)harmonized in relation to each other; the sequence of our lives – past, present, and future – and when things "should" happen is informed and interpreted by cultural constructs and social schedules that assign significance to what has already happened as well our  expectations, hopes, and fears of what may, might, or must happen in the future – either our own or those imposed upon us by society and others.  We are relational beings and interpret our lives and assign meaning and value relative to our past and current experiences and perspectives as filtered through the lens of cultural and social conditioning.  Various authors, including H. M. Tomlinson (1873-1958) and Anaïs Nin (1903-1977) have popularized the idea: “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”  Most recently, Steven R. Covey elaborated, “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or, as we are conditioned to see it.”  The good news, then, is that we can change the way we see the world by taking charge of and changing our perspectives and beliefs instead of letting them be dictated to us.  We can't always change or influence what happens in life, but we can change ourselves, our interpretations, our perspectives, and our beliefs, as this timeless Sister Hazel song puts to music (or check out the live acoustic version).  As Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn taught, “Your focus determines your reality.”  If we focus on problems, past hurts and failures, and stress, we experience more problems, the pain festers, and our failures become magnified in our eyes.  If we focus on finding solutions, our goals and objectives, and where we want to go in life, solutions will emerge, opportunities will present themselves, and the Way forward will open up.

To do that, we need to get off the roller coaster of relative worth.  Stop letting other people’s and society’s relative realities dictate the value of our own experiences and stop comparing ourselves to those conditional constructs.  It has been said that “comparison is the thief of joy.”  Once we buy into that and get on that relative roller coaster, it doesn’t stop.  We’re only as good as our last game, last test, or last business deal and we’re constantly comparing ourselves and being compared to social stereotypes and external expectations imposed upon us by ourselves, society, and others.  Even if we reach that carrot on a string, it doesn’t last very long.  The bar gets raised and raised again.  How can we ever feel like we’re enough?  How can we ever feel peace, acceptance, or even at ease with ourselves that way?  If the relative and relational nature of society is a roller coaster, comparison is a corkscrew that constantly spins us around and around and around until we don’t know which way is up.  Don’t get on that roller coaster and if you find yourself on it, get off now.  Give yourself permission to just be yourself and find your own Way and let society continue on in that relative and relational rat race. Your worth, your identity, and your journey are unique and incomparable. ~ DCB


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