Chapter 3.1: Worthiness, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Promotion

 

Don’t vaunt people as “worthy” one over another and they won’t compete with each other.

This chapter has traditionally had a dual reading, one for leadership and governance of people and one for self-governance of our own hearts and minds.  These two readings are inextricably linked because we by example. The first half of this chapter deals with three principles addressing (self) promotion and competition, objectification and (self) valuation, and flaunting, displaying, or showing off and (inner) peace and contentment. 

First, we live in a (mis)judgmental world, a roller coaster of relative reality, relationships, and constant comparisons.  Every day in so many ways we pass judgment on ourselves and others.  We pay more attention to certain people while ignoring others.  We put certain things and people on pedestals and deem them “worthy” of our attention and striving.  In striving to find where we fit in, we often fall into the trap of believing that we can only fit in at the expense of others – that we have to outcompete, outperform, or outmaneuver everyone else.  As such, we are often conditional in our praise and esteem of others and ourselves.  Every time we do so, we take a ride on that corkscrew of comparison, enable competition and contention in others, and create conflict within ourselves.  Why?  Because everyone and everything has inherent worth and value independent of everything and everyone else – we just often don’t see it.  Our value and our worth as human beings is not determined, altered, or diminished by anyone else’s worth.  Each of us has a prestigious and precious place and a passionate purpose in this world.  Once we choose to accept and embrace that, we don’t need to compete with anybody else anymore – and we don’t need to promote ourselves or perform to prove our worth to ourselves or others – we can just be our true authentic selves, choose our own goals, decide who we want to be and become, and walk our own Way and path of personal progress.  

Because of that relative rollercoaster, it is a world that is constantly promoting itself and we feel a constant pressure to promote ourselves in it – but we don't need to.  We are so often conflicted.  On the one hand, we beat ourselves up, put ourselves down, hide our pains, and try to whitewash it all with a thin veneer of self-confidence.  On the other hand, we so desperately want acceptance that we erect our own metaphorical Potemkin villages, false façades or misleading images of who we are designed to impress others, win approval, and avoid the pain of rejection and the fear that we are not good enough.  And yet, when we elevate certain parts of ourselves and stuff the “unworthy” parts of us in the closet, hiding behind walls of our own making, we create internal conflict because as soon as we so, we cannot be fully seen and known for who we really are.  Even when it "works" and we are accepted, there is always that voice in our heads that says, "if they only knew the 'real' you ..."  The truth is that we are, all of us, a blend of strengths and weakness, abilities and deficiencies, Yin and Yang.  Our weaknesses and blemishes don’t make us “unworthy” or disqualify us from the joy of living a purposeful and peaceful life.  Once we choose to accept and value ourselves unconditionally where we are and as we are, we find inner peace and strength and we no longer need to promote ourselves to try and gain that from external sources.  Interestingly, self-acceptance of where we are is actually the catalyst to change and opens the Way for us to become who we want to be.  In finding our Way through life, we need to know and acknowledge our starting point.  Each day, each hour, each moment we stand at the crossroads of life – by accepting who we are, where we are, as we are, we can chart a course to pursue our personal purpose and passions and and become who we want to be, knowing that we belong in this world and are already worthy.  Knowing this, we can take risks and enjoy the day as we make our Way – for each of us is enough, each of us is worthy, and each of us has a purpose and can make a difference along the Way. ~ DCB

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