Chapter 23.2: Empathy Unites Us Along the Way

 

Therefore, those who follow the Way unite on the Way;

those who have grasped the power of virtue unite in virtue;

those who have experienced loss unite in loss. 

Those who are united on the Way, 

rejoice in obtaining fellowship along the Way;

Those who are united in the power of virtue, 

rejoice in obtaining fellowship in virtue;

Those who are united in loss, rejoice in obtaining fellowship in loss.

Wherein trustworthiness is insufficient, therein is untrustworthiness.

Everyone has trials that are hard to bear.  We all have have seasons of struggle and suffering.  All of us face fear and go through some hard times in our lives.  Everybody experiences great moments and high points.  We are more alike than we are different. What unites us is stronger and more significant than what divides us.  Every moment of every day, we all stand at a crossroads in our lives just like everyone else.  While our crossroads is completely unique to each of us, each of us similar stands at the intersection of choice and action.  We are all alike in that we are all on our own individual journeys through this life.  At times, we all wonder how to get from where we are to where we want to be in our lives. Each of us struggles with finding and making our Way through the sometimes bewildering maze of this world.  Each of us wrestles with doing the right thing and becoming the best versions of ourselves.  Each of us carries the weight and bears the scars of loss, setback, and trial. 

These commonalities allow us to connect with others in powerful ways by practicing empathy – and empathy is an empowering gift both for those who offer it and for those who experience it.  Dr. Brene Brown has said, “empathy fuels connection.”  There is great joy and comfort in experiencing empathy and connection with others – to be fully seen, heard, understood, and accepted – as we are and where we are right now in our lives.  Speaking authentically in our lives requires vulnerability and sufficient trust.  We can choose to surround ourselves with friends that we can be real with and with whom we can entrust what Brene Brown has called “the gift of imperfection.” 

Finding fellowship with someone who is also striving on the Way, someone with whom we can share the joys and jubilation of the journey, the comforts of connection, and the encouragement of empathy is music to the soul.  To find a friend who will help us look at our choices and decisions and examine our hearts and minds to make sure they are aligned with our virtues and values is powerful.  To have someone to walk through the lowlands of loss in our lives with, someone who won’t leave us when the going gets tough is truly lovely.

While we may not always be able to find that fellowship of friends devoted to walking the Way with us immediately, we can make the choice to be that kind of friend for those around us.  The kind of friend that is trustworthy – can be trusted – with the struggles and strivings, the longings and loss of our lives. As we choose to become that kind of friend, we discover that the power of empathy works both ways.  When we extend it to others, we likewise gain comfort, perspective, and hope for our own challenges. 

Thank you to all of my friends who have made my walk on the Way more wondrous and to all those struggling to find your Way, to live your lives in accordance with your own values and virtues, and who lament in loss and loneliness, I’ve been there – my heart goes out to you.  There is ALWAYS a Way to get from where we are now to where we want to be in our lives.  In the wise words of A.A. Milne’s (1882-1956) Christopher Robin to a silly old bear, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~ DCB

Etymology Notes:

The Chinese character for 'joy' 樂 (simplified 乐) also means 'music' and is believed to depict a set of drums, chimes, or bronze bells on a wooden stand in a masterful merging of music and metallurgy.  Such extravagant musical ensembles were common in Bronze Age China and were ornately cast, lavishly decorated, and prominently displayed as symbols of power and prestige.  They were often involved in religious rituals and court celebrations.  Thus joy and music are intimately interconnected in ancient China.  The joyous sounds of ancient Chinese bells and chimes resonated with the heart and soul just as modern music still does for us today.  We’ve probably all experienced a time when a song came on that brought joy to our souls – friendship and fellowship are the encouraging and empowering anthems of empathy in our lives, the sweet psalms for our struggles and strivings.  

The Chinese character 同 (tong2), meaning 'similar' and 'alike' as an adjective as well as 'to unite' or 'come together' as a verb is closely connected to both the Way 道 and the power of virtue 德.  It is a compound ideogram containing a sail 凡 (fan2) over a mouth 口 (kou3).  A sail catches the wind and propels us forward in our lives.  The dash 、in the sail does double duty written horizontally as 一, thus meaning one, oneness, united as one, or unity, as well. When we speak of our similarities, of the things that unite us and propel us forward in our lives, we come together in empathy and understanding, as if we were all brought together under a single sail.  Additionally, ancient versions were written as 衕, containing the character 'crossroads' 行 (xing2).  Together these elements convey the meaning that we are all similarly trying to find our Way in life.  Life is full of crossings, joinings, and partings, the paths of our lives intersect and crisscross, and we pass each other as we go back and forth on on our Way.  This common journey through life unites us, creating complex commonalities, subtle similarities, and comforting connections.  Empathy and connection unite us with others in our common experiences, interests, and goals.  They propel us forward, like a sail, toward greater personal power and virtue as we walk the Way with others, helping, supporting, and encouraging each other.