Chapter 27.1: Five Practices to Excel in Life

 
Excellent journeys leave no trace, no ruts behind

Excellent words, like flawless jade, leave no blame behind

Excellent calculations do not necessarily need counters and formulas

Excellent closure is unrelated to a deadbolt and yet cannot be re-opened

Excellent knots use no string to bind and yet cannot be untied.

1. Leave No Trace: One of the first lessons I learned in Scouts was to “Leave No Trace.”  This outdoor ethos and conservation strategy is now ingrained in my life.  Not only do I strive to leave no trace of my passing, no negative or permanent sign on the landscape that “I was here,” I also seek to leave the environment better than I found it by cleaning up the messes accidentally or carelessly left behind by others.  This is not to say that there are not times and places where it is necessary and even beneficial in our lives to practice the art of Wayfinding, to be a trailblazer or pathfinder, or leave a string behind to help others make their Way through the maze of life.  On the contrary, these two principles and practices go hand in hand.  The key application of leaving no trace is in eliminating the damage we do as we make our way through life.  How often do we leave a trail of tears and destruction behind in our wakes?  How often do we leave a legacy of loss that burdens those who will come after us?  We certainly see that in our economies of debilitating debt, practices of polluting ecologies and disrupting ecosystems, deforestation, strip mining, overfishing, large-scale agricultural practices that deplete the earth and compensate with toxic chemical fertilizers and pesticides and result in the loss of vital top soil, consumer cultures and “throw away” societies creating excessive waste – and the list of potentially devastating and irresponsible impacts goes on and on.

To excel in our journeys through life let us not leave ruts of ruin behind for others to fall into, dooming them to repeat our mistakes and follow in our footsteps.  Rather, let us leave signposts that guide them.  Let us pass on the best of what we have learned so that they do not have to reinvent the wheel.  Let us we must both mark the path, by leaving cairns of best practices and empowering solutions, while still giving them the freedom of finding, making, and doing it their own Way, following their own path, creating something even better, and shifting the paradigm.

2. No Blame, No Shame, No Judgment: In today’s social media climate where cancel culture runs rampant and outrage is the norm, it is easy to point out and focus on our own flaws and the flaws of others.  It is much simpler to point out and focus on the problems rather than to move beyond that to creating cooperative and collaborative solutions to solve them in sustainable and empowering ways. 

I recently had the good fortune of hosting Abigail G. Manning in one of my classes and hearing her share her story at the National Character and Leadership Symposium.  She gave a fantastic presentation on “Purple Threads.”  One of the things she said that day almost two months ago now has stuck in my head and become a daily mantra for my life: “No blame, no shame, no judgment.”  Far from shirking responsibility, these six insightful words, empower us to take accountability without baggage, to own our thoughts, beliefs, and actions without beating our collective self-esteems to bloody pulps.  She has reminded me of an old family adage: “ideals are stars to steer by, not clubs to beat ourselves with.”  Thank you “Gator” for navigating me to this powerful and profound insight!

Like a flawless piece of jade, our words can be free of blame, shame, and judgment.  Let us think through our thoughts and beliefs and their implications on others before they turn into speech and then transform into action.  Moreover, since none of us is perfect, let us focus on the good and ennobling in our discourses and give ourselves and each other grace when things just don’t come out quite right in our speech.

3. Make A Choice, Avoid Indecision: Sometimes we get stuck thinking that we need some tool or insight outside of ourselves before we can make the right decision or any decision at all.  So we stay stuck in indecision and in the realm of “I don’t know.”  As the ancient Roman philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero stated: "More is lost by indecision than wrong decision.  Indecision is the thief of opportunity.  It will steal you blind."  All we can do is make the best decisions we can with the light and knowledge we have at our disposal in this moment and then repeatedly reflect on the outcomes of our choices to see if they are in alignment with our values and our goals.  Then we can work to improve, progress, and make better choices – choices that bring us closer to what we want to create in and for our lives – from a place of personal power and unifying empathy, not blame, shame, or guilt.  With gratitude for what we have and where we are, even as we look for something better.

4. Offer Ourselves the Gift of Closure:  How do we seal ourselves from negative influences without and our own toxic thinking within?  How do we keep from repeating the same patterns over and over again?  Experiencing the same things and getting the same results?  We give ourselves the gift of closure.  We do not need authoritative answers or endless explanations.  We do not need to punish ourselves or others for what happened even if it is justified.  We only need to accept that we want and are deserving of something better and give ourselves permission to create that in our lives.   As Thriving Sistas puts it: "Closure comes to us from within. It comes when we accept that letting go and moving forward is more important than remaining stuck in a situation that is no longer us. With a person who is no longer us."  I dare say that: "Closure is a gift of grace we offer ourselves. It is an acknowledgement that we did the best we could with what we had. It is permission to not remain where we have been.  It is freedom to move forward and try again unfettered by the failures of the past."

Just because something has always been that way (or at least seems to be so), does not mean that it has to remain that way forever.  No matter who we have been or what we have done, we can always change!  Too many of us are dragging around our past like a ball and chain and letting that dictate our present and limit our future.  Too many of us define ourselves by the worst things we have done and the mistakes we have made.  Some of us (like me for a long time) even believe that it is a form of pious penance to do so.  Yet, if we are constantly looking back over our shoulders at our past failures, we cannot envision a better future for ourselves and those we care about.  Being fixated on a past we cannot change blinds to the infinite openings and opportunities that await us. 

When I was a teenager, I went on a backpacking trip through Zion's Narrows.  On the first day, I sliced my pointer finger open trying to spearfish.  I felt embarrassed and foolish but I bandaged it up as best I could and completed the trek without further incident.  A few days later, even though it had started to close up, I went to the doctor to get it checked out.  While I tried to convince the doctor that everything was fine and that healing had already begun, he quickly ripped open the wound and began the work of scrubbing and cleaning it out, reminding me that I had just spent days slogging through bacteria-ridden slot canyon creeks with an open wound.  It was excruciatingly painful.  Moreover, he told me that I had to repeat the process multiple times a day for the next three days before it could be safely stitched up.  Otherwise, I ran the risk of lingering infection and possibly even losing my finger.  I did as the doctor advised and endured the pain and discomfort until it could be stitched up.  The doctor patiently taught me a valuable lesson that day.  Wounds need to be opened up, cleaned out, and addressed.  If I hadn't done so, the wound would have festered.  However, if I had continued to re-open the wound and expose myself to the excruciating pain of the injury, I likewise would never have been able to heal.  The wound needed closure.  So it is with our hearts and minds.  When the work of opening and cleansing our hurt hearts and suffering souls is done, it is time for closure.

So, clear away the clutter and make room for something new, do the work to heal and mourn and then let go of old hurts, don't relive past pains or re-open old wounds, start over, move on, don't let the past determine the future.  Release ourselves from all the blame, shame, and judgment we have been carrying around.  Take accountability for our part, clean up the messes as best as possible, and offer whatever amends we can to ourselves and others and then move on – and when we move on, don't leave a forwarding address for guilt and shame to follow us around.  If and when it does come calling trying to harrow up our minds with past mistakes, hurts, and heartaches, let it go to voicemail, it has nothing new to say anyway!  Instead, we can choose to practice gratitude.  Just because it didn't last forever, doesn't mean it wasn't worth it.  As Dr. Seuss put it: "Don't cry because it's over.  Smile because it happened."  So let let us make peace with our past and then move forward, letting the past rest in peace.  Make a vow: Today, I close the door to my past, open the door to my future, take a deep breath, and step through to a new life.

5. Make Real Connections: Real connections are made with others when we are our authentic true selves and allow others to be their authentic true selves.  When we accept ourselves and others where they are, as they are right now without blame, shame, and judgment, we create empathetic bonds of fellowship and friendship free from pressure, coercion, and obligation that cannot be easily unraveled. ~ DCB